LIFESTYLE | You Worry Too Much? Here Are My Top Tips To Worry Less

Otherwise known as: please don't be a stressball like me.

Before we booked our lovely trip to Brugge last August, my boyfriend and I struggled for a few days with our trip planning. Where to go, where to stay, how long, how much... We spent evenings figuring out what to do, and stress was even higher because it would be less than a week before my boyfriend flew back home to California and I moved back to England. We had to think quickly, weight the pros and cons of every idea we had, and of course both agree on our final plan.
To my utmost shame, I was crap at this. I was very stressed, very negative, and ended up shutting down a lot of the time. My boyfriend was a champion for bearing with me until we finally got things together and booked our stay in Belgium. I really wasn't proud of myself for letting stress and worry control my behaviour, and it made me realise the first point I want to get at now: worrying can affect everything. Not only does it affect yourself and your mood, but also the mood of those around you, especially the people close to you like your family, partner, and friends. 
As a worrier, I often feel like this could never change, like it's a trait of my personality that will never go away. So recently I have made it a point to work on how I cope with stress and how I can, in my daily life, set up little things that hopefully will help me with little worries, the every day things that make my heart race and my thoughts mix all up in my head. Here we are...

Sometimes, you are so used to being stressed that you feel like it's a constant. That it's just how it is. But we don't stress for no reason. Every time somethings comes up, that makes you feel worried, pause and think. Ask yourself:
What is the current situation?
How do I feel about it?
What is it in this situation that scares me?
What would make me feel better?

Analyse your feelings and thoughts. Worry is often based on fear and uncertainty, about yourself or others, so don't be afraid to ask yourself difficult questions. Sometimes, I feel very worried before a social occasion. And most times it happens, I as now admit to myself, I worry because I am scared of whether people will like me or not, whether they will enjoy themselves in my company, or whether I will bore them to death. All of these reasons are confidence-related. So now, whenever I feel worried before a social event, I will remind myself where my fears come from and how I can fight them. It is all about finding what you are worrying about. It often comes a different problem, which will need fixing - but first, figure it out.

By this, I don't mean watching vlogs or listening to funky music to ignore your worries and pretend they will just go away. Unless you're very lucky, they won't. I rather mean, do something that is proven to help with relaxation, calm, and mindfulness. Recently, I have found that stretching sessions, that I incorporate at the beginning and the end of my workouts, are incredibly calming. You can find videos on YouTube and create a schedule for yourself to follow as many times a week as you want. To me, a relaxed body helps having a relaxed mind too.

Colouring books are also great, you focus on a simple action and get the satisfaction of accomplishing something (i.e. colouring in your picture.) I would advise doing these activities in complete science, so you can hear your mind slowing down, or with very soothing and quiet music in the background, like this one. The aim is to be alone with your thoughts, not forget about your worries. You still have to tackle them - but with a rested mind, it helps.

I really do think that worrying and stress are only the external factors of deeper problems. You don't stress for nothing. There is always a reason behind it, and unless you find that reason and work towards solving it, you will keep worrying all the time. As I have explained in my first point, I figured out why I would worry about social situations. So whenever you feel stressed, wind down and unfold the stories behind the worrying. 
Sometimes it can be that you need to gain more self-confidence, sometimes it can be that you have to learn how to trust others, or how to embrace the unexpected if you tend to worry about the future and your professional life. Learn how to make yourself happy and safe, step by step, by confronting your emotions. Don't let it go and wait for it to pass. It may go away for a while, but if you don't tackle the issue, it will resurface eventually. Who knows, figuring out your battle may be the start of a new, life-changing and exciting journey in discovering yourself!

Just like with any thing that may be troubling you, you should talk it out. I am a great advocate of figuring things out by yourself and for yourself, but if you are surrounded by people who get to see you worry, and stress, like family members or a partner, you should talk with them. They may see some things about yourself that you don't see, because you are focused on the negativity that you may be feeling.
When we were booking our trip, my boyfriend remarked on how negative I had been, and repeated to me some of the things I would say, that I didn't even realise I was saying back then! Things like 'I'm stressing out,' 'I wanna die,'There's not enough time'... And all the while I was saying those things, I was letting myself fall into my worries. My boyfriend got to observe that from the outside, and him telling me about how I had been acting really got me thinking. Sometimes it takes having someone else to realise what you are doing, and how you can improve. Also, make sure you always seek help when you feel like you need it. It is not a weakness, on the contrary - you share with people who are close to you, and who know what you may not see about yourself.

In the same way, remember to be kind with others. It is easy to get in a loop of negativity and spread it around - like I have done in that episode with my boyfriend. Even when you're not feeling quite right, always take a step back and reflect on what you are doing. If you're feeling stressed and upset, always remember that these feelings will influence your actions and the way you are towards people. Being positive and finding the little things, even in your distress, that will put a smile on your face, will help you, first and foremost, but it will also help the people you live with, share your day with, or interact with in these times of worry. Spread positive messages, and you will only get support and cheering in return. It is easy to put off others with our behaviour, and doing so is only a disservice to you as well as them. Keep your mind open and own your actions. Positivity attracts positivity!

How do you deal with worry? What do you do to relax and relieve stress?


TRAVEL | Forget LA: Five Reasons to Visit San Diego, CA

Grab a snack; this is a looong one.

San Diego is just a couple hours away from LA, and although we all know the latter, there isn't as much out there about San Diego. But with my boyfriend living there, I've had a chance to visit quite a few places around SD and I really want to share with you all you can see there. It's a pretty awesome place, if you ask me. So this post will be full of personal impressions, tips on what to do and see and why I think you should visit SD if you're looking for a bit of Southern California for your next big trip...

If like me, you live in a European city and that going to the beach is a one-time-a-year exclusive event, then you'll love the beautiful sandy beaches along the coast of San Diego. I have been to the beach there in winter, summer and in the autumn, and no matter the time of year, they are beautiful. There are a lot of beaches worth visiting around San Diego, and my favourite is Torrey Pines, which is right near a beautiful natural reserve. You can hike there, and get some rest by laying on the beautiful beach. This autumn, my boyfriend took me to Coronado beach. Coronado is a little island connected to mainland San Diego by a long curved bridge. Let me tell you, Coronado's posh. Like, huge, beautiful houses all around. We went to the beach at around 5, as the sun started to go down, and we had it all to ourselves. It was the most amazing moment. 

If you're lucky, you might see some people surfing around. In Coronado, you can also see the most beautiful Hotel Del Coronado which looks straight out of Disneyland. There are also plenty of shops and restaurants around any of those beaches, so you could easily spend a whole day discovering a beach and its surroundings: Coronado, Carlsbag, Del Mar - all places I've seen and would totally recommend.

In San Diego, animals are a big deal. You can see plenty of them, of all species (more than 650!) at the San Diego Zoo and the Safari Park. I have been to both quite a few times as my boyfriend loves these two places, and the Zoo in particular is one of my favourites. I don't do zoos very often, and I make sure to only support places that show the animals the care and protection they deserve. San Diego Zoo is one of these: they keep the public very well-informed about their programmes of development, you have volunteers all around the park that share their knowledge and love of the animals, and the money is reinvested in plans to make sure we keep all these beautiful creatures safe all around the world. The variety at the zoo is quite amazing too, you've got anything from pandas to polar bears and gorillas.

The Safari Park (or Wild Animal Park) is a more extended park where you will see a lot of species in big enclosures that resemble their natural habitat. You can actually do a safari there, and get to see the animals closer than you usually would. Although I have a preference for the zoo because of the variety of animals that they have, the work that has been put in the Safari Park is amazing - you can stand a few steps away from the kangaroos, and that in itself is a pretty good reason to visit.

My absolute favourite area of San Diego, if you've seen my previous posts on the city, is Balboa Park.
Balboa Park. It is right in the area where the zoo is, and it is a beautiful, Spanish architecture heaven full of museums and gardens to visit. This time, my boyfriend and I went there after our day at the zoo, for a little walk. Most landmarks will have a fee, but even just walking around the area and seeing the Botanical Building, the Rose Garden, the Spanish Art Village and the International Cottages. There is always something new to see in Balboa.

These buildings are my favourite, and I always swoon over how beautiful they are every time we go there. I would highly recommend the museums of course - I loved visiting the Museum of Man last year.

The variety of landscapes in San Diego is impressing. You can find the beautiful, dry moutains and cacti galore, but you also have Downtown SD for all things city, cafes, and Comic Con. 
In Downtown San Diego, Seaport Village is an adorable spot where you can do shopping and have lunch. They have an amazing Christmas shop open all year around, as well as a cupcake shop that makes the yummiest treats. Around the Bay, you can also take a boat tour, which my boyfriend and I did with the Hornblower. On some tours, you can see sea lions, or even do dolphin and whale-spotting cruises. At the Convention Center, you will find the biggest Comic Con that is held every year, with tons of cosplayers and actors coming to San Diego for the occasion. Not something I have done myself, but if you're a fan of pop culture, it might be the dream trip to organise!

If you're cheesy like me, and you love a bit of stereotypical Americana, you'd love quite a few spots in San Diego. Old Town Temecula is one of my favourites: think 1800s style buildings, wooden barns used as restaurants, and fairy lights as soon as the night falls. Old Town is also where one of my favourite places to eat in the San Diego area is: Havana Kitchen. I've mentioned it on the blog before, but they do an incredible cubano sandwich, very flavourful, as well as the yummiest lattes you ever did taste.

Apart from Temecula, there's another lovely spot I discovered during this trip, courtesy of my dad's boyfriend: Bates Nut Farm. I had never been to a traditional farm like this before, and it was awesome. Fresh produce, animals (and an emeu for some reason?), make-your-own peanut butter machine, and pumpkin patch. Yes, pumpkin patch. Although most of the good ones were gone already (we went the day before Halloween) it was still fun to walk around. And take a look at the Christmas tree ornaments... It doesn't get more American than that!

I have seen very little of LA, but I can tell you that San Diego is an amazing destination if you're interested in discovering this part of California - so I would totally recommend spending a few days there if you ever plan a big California holiday. Personally, I love it and I can't wait to go again! (After all, it's not like my favourite person in the whole world lives there...)

Which part of San Diego would you like to visit the most?


LIFESTYLE | How To Feel More Confident

Work on your confidence like your life depends on it (spoiler: it does.)

This post is a bit of an experiment. You see, I am myself struggling a lot with confidence, and I will admit it before I start delving into the topic. Some days, I feel like the strongest woman in the world, and other days, I have as much confidence as Bridget Jones in the scene where she sings All By Myself, drunk and miserable. Needless to say, the days I feel like Bridget Jones are not exactly the happiest. So no matter where you are on the road to self-confidence, I feel you and understand you. It's not the easiest challenge to undertake.
However, I am striving to be the best version of myself, and thus undertaking this journey is so important. The more confident you are in yourself, not only in how you look like but also in who you are, the happier you will be. You can't face the world if you feel like a tiny little seed ready to be crushed. You need to grow your leaves and your beautiful petals one by one, to be strong enough to face the winds without breaking. Although I am still on the road to self-confidence, here is my advice on how to get started on your journey.

How many of us have found ourselves thinking, while scrolling on Instagram, 'She is so confident! I wish I was like her!' or 'Why can't I be as strong?'. We've all been guilty of wishing we had the confidence we see in others all the time. Truth is, and I'm just gonna throw it out here: because someone looks super confident, doesn't mean they are. The motto 'fake it 'til you make it' has never been truer than on social media. However, one thing you can get from looking at all these pictures of strong, confident women, is the motivation to start your own journey. You can wish it all you like, but feeling confident is a process that only you can build. Start little: think about what bothers you about your present state of self-confidence. Think about the changes you would like to see happen in yourself. What are the little things in your every day life that would make you feel more confident? It could be anything from finding the courage to wear a bold outfit outside, to smiling to people in the street, or even saying 'yes' to a night out. Every day, do one little thing that you will be proud of, and that will get you started on your journey. And then keep going!

This is a big one. You won't find your confidence through the eyes of others. You may feel great after a friend tells you how amazing you look in your outfit, but the minute you're alone and facing yourself in the mirror, all the compliments in the world won't matter. True confidence is looking at yourself, without frills and disguise, just you, and think that you are exactly who you want to be, for yourself and in the world. I'm not saying you shouldn't take anybody's advice - after all, I am right here, writing this post to help you find your own voice. But when you're trying to figure out the things that make you feel confident, only take your instinct into account. What people see from the outside is very different from how you truly are, and this is true even for the people closest to you who know you and support you every day. Self-confidence is a very personal and deep process, one that you should care for seriously. My words may seem over-dramatic but I do believe that building your confidence can change your life for the better. So don't see your own confidence through the eyes of others; only yours matter.

Coming back to the point of faking it 'til you make it, there's something that doesn't sit well with me. It's easy to fake something, and just get lost in the appearances, especially if it means faking to a social media following, or even to friends when you meet up with them. You can create a mechanism of fake confidence, a facade that you show to others to say 'hey look at me, I feel great with myself' whereas when you're alone at home, on a bad day, the facade breaks and you realise that you've just made it all up and tried to convince yourself of something that isn't true.
Please don't lie to yourself. If you're really not feeling confident at all one day, but you have to go out and meet a friend, just accept it. You will have better days. Don't put up a character that is not yours. It is better to have a low day that to get suck in a spiral of pretence. You could only keep it up for so long anyway before it all falls apart. Embrace yourself with all that you are, and work with it. Don't suppress it.

As I have mentioned, I think self-confidence is very personal to each individual. Only you really know who you are and how you can improve. You will have times of success and thriving, but you will also experience hardships, you will question everything and sometimes think that in the end, you are not confident at all. It's easy, during a low point, to feel like the days where you've felt confident don't matter, as though confidence was an end point and if you ever fail to reach it one day, it means you are never a confident being at all, no matter how hard you try. I've felt like that more times than I'd like to admit. But you should see confidence as something you work on forever. It sounds exhausting, I know, but it actually is amazing to think that you are always working on yourself. Always striving to be better, to make yourself happier. You are in charge. And just that thought can already make you so much more confident in your abilities and the power you have to change yourself and take the direction you want in life. 

What are the things that make you feel confident? What would your advice be to others on their self-confidence journey?